Cut whatever doesn’t move the story forward

Words of wisdom from my hairstylist, Stephen King, and Jesus

A new season is upon us and, if you’re anything like me, you might be ushering it in with a whole lot of planning. Depending where you live, the weather is already changing, those apples and pumpkins are simply not going to pick themselves, and frankly, little kids can’t pick themselves up from school either (rude). If fall festivities are not on your radar, perhaps you’re staring down the last quarter of the work year and wondering how in the world you’ll get all the things done before calendars close for the winter holidays. 

I feel you. 

Due to a combination of more work on my plate plus the mental load of raising a baby and a teenager, I’ve experienced planning anxiety this year like no other. I search for balance, but end up feeling frustrated at my inability to fit it all in, by my own exhaustion, that there isn’t more time. There’s so much I want to do, and yet there’s also a huge part of me that just wants to stare at a wall. Having major anxiety about making plans is just about the only thing I can plan on!

One recent Saturday, the feeling of wanting to do everything and nothing overwhelmed me so much that I woke up crying. I felt too anxious to make a plan, and instead puttered miserably around the house, much to my family’s delight, I’m sure. 

Then I remembered I had a haircut; something to plan my day around. 

Call me shallow, but nothing pulls me out of a funk faster than going for a haircut – especially with Ted, who I consider to be Southwest Minneapolis’ best kept secret when it comes to hot girl hair. We were talking about the brilliance of Barbie (which we both saw on opening day, of course), the magnificence of Beyoncé and her Renaissance tour, and then Ted asked me what else I’ve got planned…and I blanked.

Well, I’m writing, I told him. Or rather, I’m planning on writing, once I’m through the process of editing my outline into something worth reading.

I’m 100,000 words deep into the memoir I’ve been writing off and on since 2013, the year my world unraveled after a misguided stint working in reality TV that almost cost me everything. It’s a story of faking-it-til-you-make-a-mess-of-your-life, and I have no shortage of stories to fill the pages. But 100k words is way too many words, and after a super helpful phone call with my friend Nora, the popular author of six books who advised politely that it can be more than one book, plus a consultation with author + literary coach Leigh Stein who helped me pluck a theme from the hefty sheaf of my words, I finally feel confident in the direction this book is taking. 

I just need a plan to make it happen.

Great.

I told Ted all of this while he layered my locks. And he replied with something another of his clients – also a writer – shared recently from the wisdom of Stephen King’s On Writing:

“Cut out anything that doesn’t move the story forward,” he said. 

And then after a beat, he added, “I guess that’s also good advice for life.”

I’ve thought a lot about that last part ever since. Because there is one major thing in my life that isn't moving the story forward…and it’s time to cut it out. 

I’m going to stop stressing over plans, and start living in the moment instead.

Haha…ha. I can almost hear you laughing at this groundbreaking revelation, but living in the moment has been a lifelong struggle for me!

I’ve wrestled for what seems like forever with the desperate need to eject myself from the present moment and into the future or the past. I could blame the demands of family life or work, but really, I’ve always been this way. 

My pinned tweet would indicate I’m not alone in this (RIP Twitter!)

On more than one occasion, this anxious predisposition to distance myself from the present moment has completely ruined my day. It’s not helping my writing, at all. And I realized, while Ted finished my recent blowout, that this is another area where I need to trust God. 

Because it reminds me of an interaction another anxious woman once had with Jesus. 

I just studied the story of Mary and Martha with a few friends, so I can summarize it if you’re not familiar: two sisters are hosting Jesus and the apostles in their home, which would have been a privilege for anyone but was a BFD for Martha, who we find in the story anxiously making all the plans and preparations for Jesus, who is in her living room and is probably telling a great story. Her sister Mary is there, too, sitting at Jesus’ feet, hanging on his every word, not helping in the kitchen, and this really irks Martha. She rages at Jesus in Luke 10:38-42.

And Jesus, full of compassion for this woman’s anxious heart, says, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed– or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Mary chose what is better. Mary, who wasn’t worried about the plans and instead was living in the moment, made the better choice. Jesus doesn’t condemn Martha for planning! But he does, in the gentlest way, tell her there’s a better way to be than being anxious and distracted. The better way is to stay still in the moment and just be. 

I would love to experience this kind of presence. It sounds nice, but it’s not my current reality. I know what the yogis say, that we’re human beings, not human doings, but in my most recent journal entry, I wrote the words ALL I’M DOING IS DOING! So clearly, I’m not the expert on this.

But I want to learn. 

And I think if I pay closer attention to Jesus, I could learn how to just be, to live in the now.

Jesus, who practiced perfect presence (and impeccable alliteration, I’m sure), was never harried or hurried, never distant or distracted, never preoccupied with the past, but always in step with the spirit of God. He didn’t do it on his own, though – when the demands of life pressed in on him, Jesus could often be found slipping away to pray. He seemed to survive on moment-to-moment communication with God, so it seems logical to me that prayer must be the key to living in the moment. 

Side note about prayer: there is no way to be good or bad at prayer. It’s just talking to God, in our own words. And lately I’ve found myself praying some pretty simple words:

God, tether me to the now. 

I won’t be able to see Ted every time I need some grounding life wisdom, but I can look to the example of Jesus when I need help living in the moment and not worrying about future plans or the past. 

Anxiety over plans is not moving the story forward in my life, and it’s time to let it go & live in the now.

You know how when something is on your radar, you seem to notice it everywhere? The algorithm of my life is serving up signs signaling me to let go and live in the now. My friend Kayla Hollatz just wrote a newsletter about this very topic! And the ever-encouraging Jess Ekstrom sent me the sparkplug of a text above, causing me to wonder what my life would look like if I lived more in tbe now:

It would ground me in gratitude for the best parts of my present life: simple walks to the park with the baby on the side of town with the nicer sidewalks, late night driving sessions with the teenager that turn into deep talkfests, slow weeknights spent shoulder to shoulder with my husband over dishes and laundry, texts with my closest friends that let us know we see each other, this newsletter where I write what’s on my heart and readers reply every month to let me know my words resonate with where they’re at. Miracles to be found only in the here and now. More abundance than I could ever plan to receive. 

Today is officially the first day of Fall and it’s the season of letting go, so I want to know: what do you need to cut from your life to move the story forward? Hit reply or leave a comment and let me know!

My prayer for us all as we enter the last part of the year is that we would be tethered to the here & now, experiencing life to the fullest right where we’re at. 

-Kylee